"She's a bit of a loud talker" 05.05.04

Reason #148 Why I Need to Get My Own Place:

My roommate will wait until she uses every possible utensil/pot/pan/dish/glass in the apartment before she even attempts to do the dishes, leaving the sink piling up until the last possible moment when she (usually in a moment of clairty enhanced by pot) decides, "Shit! I can't live like this anymore, maybe i should do the dishes."

Makes you wanna squeeze the crap out of her until she bleeds doesn't it? Er...maybe that's just me.

So this morning around 4 am i woke up to the moon. Yes, that's right, the fucking moon woke me up. I was just laying there having a nice dream about, something i dont know, but i'm sure it was nice, and then WHAM! I was awake for no apparent reason. I look up and realize this bright ass light was outside my window and even though the blinds were down i could still see it. I was like, who the hell has a spotlight shining down on my window? I walk over to the window, pull up the blinds and see the biggest brightest mooon ever. Granted it was a full moon last night but it was so bright i couldn't get back to sleep.

And then....the birds came.

See, my theory is once the birds start chirping, you're doomed from ever falling back asleep. And so it began. The damn birds started their incessant chirping that seemed to become louder and louder as the minutes dragged on and on. It's like Edgar Allen Poe's "The Tell-tale Heart." or more appropriately Hitchcocks "The Birds" if that's what you like. Granted they didn't come through my door and peck my eyeballs out but i bet they could have!

It is almost scary because they don't shut up! And they start at 5AM. And i live in the CITY! Not a FARM! I don't need mini-roosters chirping outside my window to wake me up!

So basically i got about 4.5 hours of sleep, yet i went to bed at 10. Why was i up for so long? Well, that would be because my lovely roommate has this absolutley infuriating friend Heather who has the most irritating voice in the universe. More annoying than Fran Drescher's laugh, worse than Janet Reno's and more distinctive than Elmer Fudd's.

I can only describe it as pure hell. It's loud and hoarse (probably from talking so damn much) and she kinda sounds like what a crackwhore would sound like if she was being beaten about the head. It's almost as if someone once told her, "Honey, you can't get your point across unless you shout it from the rooftops!" So she must have taken it to mean, "Whatever you say, say it fucking loud!"

Once she walks into the apartment i have to literally run for cover into my room as if her voice is somewhow going to rape my innocent ears. And it's not like no one notices, i think people are just too scared to say anything. Either that, or they think she's retarded and feel bad for her handicapped voice. Hell, I feel bad for her cause it aint her fault but she could tone it down a bit don't you think? I don't see how she could possibly get laid. I know that's harsh but seriously, how can anoyone stand it? The fact that she has friends makes me curious. And just so you don't think i'm this bitch who complains about something so miniscule and irrelevant as someone's voice, Heather as a person is a nutcase.

Her whole personality could use an overhaul. She's disrespectful of other's people property, she's inconsiderate, she uses my roommate for our apartment to just stay over whenever she gets drunk so she won't have to drive out to the burbs. Yet my roommate worships her for some reason. Go figure.

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