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I make the trip from Chicago to Cleveland (where I'm from) about once every two/three months. After making this road trip at least a dozen times or more, I have appointed myself “DJ for the entire Midwest.”

I can tell you exactly what songs are going to be played from 6 at night in Illinios/Indiana to midnight by the time I get home to Ohio.

I change stations in my car like someone who has Tourret’s or ADD or both. I never commit to a location until I examine all possible options.

For instance, there could be “Oye coma Va” by Santana on one station and even if it’s been awhile since I’ve heard it, I keep scanning until I’m sure that’s what I want to hear. Like, "Head to Toe" by Lisa Lisa would have to take precedence, because really, who doesn't like a little Lisa Lisa in their life?

I can scan for a good solid two minutes until I find something I like. This does not make anyone who drives with me very happy. It’s enough to drive you insane.

The one good thing about this road trip is that at any time you can get a good clear radio station coming from anywhere in the tri-state area once you hit Indiana. There’s even one station that claims they serve “the Michi-ana Area.” I thought that was cute. Kinda gay, but cute.

With that, I give you”

The Top 10 songs guaranteed to be heard on my six hour road trip:

1.“Panama” by Van Halen. This songs keeps making it back on the radio like a bad dream.

2.“1999” by Prince. The classic 80’s staple that makes it on the radio.

3.“Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer. The only ounce of respect I have for this guy is that he became popular by word of mouth and hardly any radio play at all. After that, I still can’t listen to someone who sings through their nose. It just ain’t right.

4.“Pink Houses” by John Cougar Mellencamp. This is always always played in Indiana. Seems they still can’t let us forget where this guy came from.

5.“In Da Club” by 50 Cent. I can’t even comment on this anymore. I was actually one of those people who thought “This song will never get old! I llllove it!” Guess what? It did get old. It just took about a year to do it.

6.“Owner of a Lonely Heart” by Yes. This song always freaks me out because I can still see the video for it and that guy jumping off that building. Gave me nightmares when i was little.

7.“The Day the Music Died” by Don McLean. Considering it’s 11 minutes long I guess this is a given at anytime of the day.

8."What I like about You." I forget who sings it but this song never escapes the trip. Reminds me of a high school dance when some chick in my class was trying to dance to the lyric "up down and jump around" and fell on her ass. Good times.

9.“Kiss Me” by Sixpence none the Richer. I can’t explain the angst I feel when this song comes on. I just need to hear the first two notes and I quickly switch to something else. ANYTHING else.

10.“Can’t Let Go” by Mariah Carey. Believe it or not I actually like this song since it was in her pre-slut stage. Plus it reminds me of this guy I was obsessed with in the 7th grade. Oh how I lusted after him so pathetically.

There are more of course. Pat Benetar makes it on there a few times, some Van Morrison, Outkast. Someday I could compile a list of songs and how much they anger me on a scale of 1 to 5.

1 = Oh this song isn't so bad.

2 = This is slowly pissing me off everytime i hear it.

3 = I’d rather listen to a crappy country song. Oh wait, all country is crap.

4 = I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out with a pencil.

5= I’d rather die.

But that's for another time. Feel free to use that scale next time you're in your car. It's my gift to you. 8 comments so far

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