A sort of Date 07.12.04

I went to a BBQ last Sunday and was asked out by the host on a Tuesday. We'll call him Mark.

I had met Mark that Sunday for the first time and didn't really feel a connection at all so I was quite shocked that he left me a message on Tuesday asking me out.

He's a friend of a friend so instead of rejecting him outright I decided to at least give him a shot. I mean, I am picky when it comes to guys, but i've been trying hard lately to give a guy at least a chance.

But off the bat I'm already uneasy because I like to be the one to ask a guy out. That way I feel in control and if it doesn't work out I can just blame myself.

Wait..that's not right. Well, whatever, the point is i hate being asked out by someone that I have zero interest in.

But, as my motto goes, it's a free meal right?

In this case it was a free concert. Mark plays in a band and instead of getting into pointless details i'll just say they played very well and I was impressed.

Afterwards, we sat at the bar and talked. This was the equivalent of the date which normally, i'd say to myself, what a cheapskate. But since I didn't like the guy that much I figured no big deal and I'll just high-tail it out of there as soon as i can.

You may be asking yourself, But Michelle, don't you get asked out once or twice a year? What could possibly be so bad about this guy?

Well, he doesn't meet the standard requirements set by me for the typical guy i date. Here are his pro's and con's.

Pro: Very knowledgeable (yeah i can spell) about music & sports which is a big plus.

Con: Since music is his life, his band and his music were constantly involved in the conversation one way or another.

Pro: Quiet, soft spoken.

Con: Quiet, soft spoken. Good for some people some of the time but I need a loud obnoxious fellow.

Pro: Lives on his own.

Con: 38 years old. I dig the older man but that's a tad too old for moi.

Pro: He's a fan of Afghan Whigs and Twilight Singers, which is by far my favorite group these days.

Con: He thinks having one band in common is enough to hold a date together.

And the rest of con's:"

Not funny enough, I need to be amused. Not like a clown but enough to entertain me.

Not tall enough. I need to be able to wear heels around a guy. Trust me, most girls agree with me on this point.

Just so you don't think I'm completely shallow, here are some examples of things he said that didn't mesh well with me:

"How do you feel about the sun? It looks like you don't get outside too much."

Okay I'm not a vampire asshole. It's called fair skin and i don't tan, I burn! I'm right up there with warcrygirl. Besides, I told him, that would require me buying a bathing suit and I haven't done that in years. It's a process that maybe i'll be ready for after a few more pounds are shed.

But i digress.

Mark thought it would be cute to say, "Well, I'm volunteering right now to apply sunscreen on any part you can't reach if you join us for our beach party in Michigan next week."

Men, if you're reading, that is a classic example of how NOT to flirt. Yuck.

I think i said something like, "Uh, Smooth..real smooth." Inside I was puking.

He also made numerous comments about me being Catholic. All I said was that I went to church that day and he started asking me a bunch of questions about how I was raised Catholic. Who wants to talk religion on a date? That's about as boring as politics. But I was nice and answered any questions he had. But then, when I made a comment about how hot I think Greg Dulli is, he said, "Well that's so anti-Catholic of you."

And when I said i don't want children he said,

"Well isn't that against the Catholic religion?"

It was then that I decided to tell him you know, not all Catholics actually agree with what the Church has to say. Duh.

And as is typical with most of my worst dates, I couldn't get out of the car quick enough when he dropped me off. I didn't want to send him any mixed signals but even an outsider watching us at the bar could tell that I was not into him. Zero Chemistry. And i know i know, I should have said outright, "I'm not interested." But that's alot harder to say than it sounds. And to be honest, I thought my words and body language were enough to send the signals.

So I just said I would see him Saturday at my party and left it at that. No offer to call him, no invitation back to my place, nothing. It was loud and clear in my opinion.

Of course, as I walked to my door he shouted,(yes shouted):

"Call me this week if you feel like it!"

I guess a car door being slammed in your face isn't straight forward enough these days.

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