Danger! Danger! 06.18.04

Who wants to read an entry filled with so much hostility and sarcasm no doubt enhanced by the onslaught of my monthly visitor? Oh, YOU do? Well, you're in luck!

I present to you, my faithful readers ,(all 2 of you):


1. Answer your cell phone when on the El. Talk loudly to inform everyone on the train about how you went out last night and got laid how much of a skank you are. Curse into the phone when you realize you lost the signal even though the subway is now underground. Ask the people sitting around you why you can't get a signal.

2. Come up to the reception desk (my desk) and play videos/show pictures to anyone who is around. Continue to do this for about 10 minutes. Talk loudly even though as the receptionist, I can't hear shit when someone calls in because of your loud booming voice and chatter. Take all my pens. Because as a receptionist, i don't need them. Play dumb when i ask you "Where the fuck are all my pens?!?"

3. Use my cell phone without asking in the middle of the night because you dropped yours in a toilet and you're too poor to get new one. Put my phone on the charger the wrong way so it's dead in the morning when i go to use it because you're an beeotch roommate who doesn't respect other people's things.

4. Ask me if i have a boyfriend. Then ask "Why are you single?" Ask it every chance you get.

5. Talk to me like i'm a 5 year old who doesn't have a college degree.

6. Leave the tv on and your radio on from 3:30 in the morning until god knows when. And just leave the apartment while your at it. And don't bother to lock the door cause it's not like there is anything of value in the apartment anyway. And i really like it when complete strangers can come in the front door at any given moment.

7. Walk around the gym locker room naked and then fart while getting dressed. (A woman at Bally's this morning....she was old so maybe i should let that one slide).

8. At the subway station, standing in line to put money on your card, put lots and lots of change in the machine. That's right, just keep adding nickel after nickel to get to $1.75. Oh wait, you're not finished. You want to get to $3.00 on your el card so this time you take out a wadded up wrinkled dollar bill and attempt to put it in the machine. Always do this during the morning and evening rush when i'm standing right behind you waiting to put a fucking dime on my card because i couldn't add 1.75 + 1.75 cause i also am a moron.

9. Call up my place of business and say, "Oh someone there just called me from this number and didn't leave a message." Say that about ten times after I ask you about a dozen times if you know anyone who works here. When your response is "No, but someone called," continue to harass me until i call and talk to everyone in the company and ask them if they called some shit-for-brains recently and hung up.

10. Read my diary and tell me how much it sucks.

(Okay no one has done this yet but i'm waiting...)

Wsn't that fun? Okay, your turn.

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