You make tea with WHAT? 04.22.04

Have you ever encountered a person in your daily life and you think to yourself, "Damn, i don't think i've ever met anyone like this person and i doubt i ever will"? Well this has happened to me and the said person is my landlord. I call him the most insane person I know. Or TMIPIK for short. And yes i know that's completely unpronouncable but fuck off.

This guy is in his late 40's and looks like he should own a Harley. He's got the beard and the long hair and occasionally he'll wear a bandana on his head. Total Harley guy right? Wrong.

His personality is a cross between Howard Stern and Al Bundy. That's the best way i can describe him and i still don't think thats accurate. Maybe he's got a bit of Johnny Depp's character in Blow. (to account for all the drug use).

Now as i've mentioned in a previous entry, i'm not too crazy about people who do drugs on a consistent and regular basis. but this dude is so insane that it's just funny to watch.

When he's isn't stoned he's drinking heavily to the point where he can actually convince you to do a shot when you absolutely don't/can't/shouldn't do one. And for me this is huge since i am so fucking stubborn when it comes to doing something i have no desire to do.

He should have his own online journal because i swear to G, it would be the funniest fucked up shit you've ever read in your life. This guy's philosophies are the most unusual and bizaree things i've ever heard come out of a person's mouth.

For instance:

"Women should grow their hair long. You have short hair, men won't fuck you. If a guy says he loves women with short hair, he's a fag."

"Sweetie, i'm the second coming of Christ."

"I love licking a woman's ass. If a woman licks my ass, i'll never cheat on her. That's a keeper."

"I'll fix your faucet as soon as you put on a skirt and make me some sloppy joes. If not, then you'll have to wait until i feel like fixing it."

"I wish when women took a shit, it could come out smelling like roses. There should be a drink or a food we could eat that would make everyone's shit smell good. I hate when a chick stinks up my bathroom, it ruins the mood."

"You just got done working out and you haven't showered? Come over here and let me smell your pits, Aaahhh, that's nice."

"I snuck into your room last night and took a pair of your underwear. I made tea with it and damn does that taste good."

Don't ask about that last one because i wouldn't know where to begin.

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