You got a nice set of areolas. 05.27.04

Time again for another Dating Story from the vault of my numerous bad dates.

The Blind Date Story was pretty good so I don't know if I can match it but I'll try.

This particular date took place about 3 months ago. I met "Jack," (For the life of me I can't remember his name so we'll just call him Jack because it reminds me of Jackoff. And Jackass. Two of my favorite words), through my roommate. She had just met him the same day I did as a matter of fact.

There was a small party at our apartment and Jack came over with some other folks. I had just gotten done working out so I was pretty skanky looking. But this guy was semi-cute (definition of semi-cute: Nice looking enough but not hot enough to think to yourself, "Now that's a guy I wouldn't mind sleeping with.")

He had a winter hat on and this becomes a major part of the story later on.

Anyways, we start chatting and I noticed he was flirting quite a bit even though he just got done telling me he was seeing someone. Blahblahblah, he gives me his number later on. Pretty gutsy considering he did it in front of 6 other people.

I didn't call him for two weeks. The day I called him i had fallen down the stairs at my apartment so i thought, what the hell, thats a good ice breaker. The conversation started out something like, "Hey it's Michelle. I just thought i'd call to say hi and to tell you i just fell down a flight of stairs outside while dragging my laundry to my car. My entire left butt cheek is sore so i have to sit sideways at all times. So how are you?"

After some time he said we should get together for dinner, and, not one to pass up a free meal, i accepted. We set it up for a Saturday night.

He said he would pick me up. I took this to mean he had a car but actually he doesn't. He just came in a cab. No big deal but right off the bat that irked me for some reason. He came upstairs and again, he has a hat on.

We take a cab to this restaurant, "Angelina's" or something. We sit down and take off our coats and he takes off his hat and reveals:

A HUGE ASS FOREHEAD. That's the only way you gotta say it. HUGE ASS. I immediately thought. "Good Lord, I'm on a date with Kelsey Grammer!"

The huge ass forhead was emphasized by the fact that he had minimal hair for a 27 year old. Huge turn off but these days i'm trying not to be picky so i tried to put it out of my mind and enjoy the rest of the night.

He paid for everything and the food was delicious. We chatted about the usual bullshit, work, friends, college, etc.

We had a lot in common and shared the same sense of humor which pretty much saved the entire date in the end.

Oh but it's not over.

We go to a bar and have more drinks (after sharing a whole bottle of wine). I started to get a little tipsy and so did he which helped cause I needed a diversion from the Huge Ass Forehead.

We hit one more bar where my roommate worked and sat down to bullshit with her. Here is where we came to the conclusion of the date where one says to another, "Well, what do you think?"

I almost gotta say here, you know, if you have to ask, then i guess it wasn't meant to be. Really, if two people liked each other enough on a date they wouldn't have to even ask.

So he asks THE question and my response is, "I think we should just stay friends." Because after all, i can't date a huge ass forehead.

He agreed. He even went on to say that he thinks he's falling in love with that other girl that he's seeing. (Say wha?) but he wanted to expand his options or something. Whatever. But it's still not over.

He said the quote of all quotes on all the dates i've ever had. This beats MY quote from Bad Blind Date Story.

Ready?

He said "You know you're right, but just so you know I'd still sleep with you."

WHAT? Okay, ha-ha, funny....I guess. I mean, how do you respond to that?

It gets better.

He then reiterated what he just said again: "I would totally sleep with you. I totally want to see your labia."

At this point a normal chick would have probably either kicked him in the nuts or just sat there speechless. I, being an abnormal chick, actually laughed but then later on, I thought, What the hell did he just say to me? I don't even know what my labia is so how the hell are you ever going to find it?

LABIA? Since when are we using the technical terms to describe a woman's anatomy? And on a date! I wouldn't sleep with him before but i certainly wouldn't sleep with him now. Not if you're going to use tech terms as foreplay.

You wanna see my labia? Well okay, but only if I get to see your Seminal Vesicle.

Till next time.

(By the way, there's a story in itself trying to find a technical term for the male reproductive system on the internet and trying to hide the fact from your coworkers when they pass your desk as your clicking on diagrams of a penis.) 0 comments so far


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